Damn You, Tom Brady

I heard about Tom Brady crying before I actually saw it. Kornheiser and Wilbon talked about it on PTI Monday, and I figured it would be one more opportunity to clown the Patriots’ metrosexual quarterback, who ultimately gets the last laugh, what with the three Super Bowl titles and supermodel wife.

And then I watched the two-minute clip.

God almighty. I want to hate him. He’s New England’s quarterback, for crying out loud. He’s the guy who makes the Steelers defense look like a bunch of Pee Wee players on the field for their first practice.

It would be one thing if he administered those ass-beatings looking like Peyton Manning. For some reason, taking your medicine is a lot easier when the person shoving it down your throat isn’t particularly handsome. It makes them real, with flaws just like the rest of us.

Before I saw Brady sobbing about his horrible draft-day experiences, his biggest problem were the rumors that he was losing his hair (for somebody going bald, he’s doing a damn fine job of looking unbald). Yes, he pimps UGGs, and yes, he looked ridiculous in Brazil (see below), but those are the worst things you can say about the man. He can be a whiny douchebag, yes, but he’s the type of whiny douchebag you’d love to see on your team. (I suspect fans of other teams feel similarly about Hines Ward, although I don’t think of him as particularly douchey.)

Alternatively, we have Big Ben. Never whiny, but quite the douchebag. And not for the “He’s wearing furry boots and hugging a goat!” reasons. But for struggling to keep his willy in his pants in public. To his credit, Ben’s been the perfect citizen for nine months or so, and he’s even engaged to be married. Good for him. Maybe he’s changed, and you can’t begrudge the guy for that.

Plus, hate him all you want, he’s the biggest reason the Steelers have been to three Super Bowls since 2005. But here’s the difference between all the candid interviews we have seen with New Ben and the clip of Brady losing it when thinking back to NFL Draft weekend 11 years ago: Brady was sincere. I don’t know if I have ever listened to Ben and thought, “you know, that’s one genuine dude right there.”

And that’s not to say athletes owe us authenticity. They don’t. It’s just an observation about the quarterback of the team I love — one of the top-5 QBs in the league — compared to the quarterback I probably loathe most, for obvious reasons.

But even through all the hatred, I didn’t even think about busting out the Nelson Muntz laugh when I saw Brady tear up. Just the opposite, actually. Here’s a guy who loves his parents, and like any kid in his early 20s, leaned on them for support.

Yes, it’s not like Brady was one step away from government cheese if he wasn’t drafted, but it’s more than that. The comment about “Now I don’t have to sell insurance” is less about actually selling insurance than it is about settling for a gig when you have bigger aspirations. It’s one thing to have to take a job to support your family; it happens all the time. And while nobody grows up wanting to push papers around a desk for a living, real life doesn’t always afford us the opportunities we thought we’d get as wide-eyed teenagers.

Anyway, I can’t express how much this bugs me to write, but I have a lot respect for Brady. It doesn’t mean I want him to win a single NFL game ever again — I still hope he loses every time he takes the field. And it certainly doesn’t mean that I wished the Steelers would have drafted him instead of Tee Martin. (Let’s be honest, Martin accomplished something at Tennessee not even Manning could: winning a national title … although, the Steelers still had no business drafting him.) I’m quite happy with Ben, and I think he’s learned a lot in the last 24 months. It’s just that after seeing that clip, I don’t hate Dreamboat nearly as much as I did.

Damn you, Tom Brady, you handsome son of a bitch.

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  • EasyLikeSundayMorning

    What Ben has been accused of is far worse than what Brady has been accused of. But what Brady has been proven to do (have a kid out of wedlock) is arguably worse than what Ben has Ben proven to have done.

    I also believe (without proof) that Brady was well-aware and likely involved in the Pats cheating.

    Since this cheating ended, the 2005-2010 Pats closely resemble the 1998-2004 Vikings. Both had prolific offenses with very similar stats, each had one historically great regular season, had a .500 record in the post season, made 2 conference championship games and won zero Super Bowls. And both, of course, had Randy Moss for most of that time. It could be a 30 for 30: “What if I told you that an NFL team secretly relocated and nobody noticed?”

    • ROb D

      Maybe I am too cynical but having worked “on the hill” with several parliamentarians as an assistant when I was a much younger man, I always remembered the old saying “The secret of success is sincerity. Once you can fake that you’ve got it made”

      I have watched politicians put on “sincere” performances that would have them weeping in the aisles. And then 5 minutes later wondering if they laid it on a little too thick THIS time. Cause the search is always on to perfect sincerity.

      Athletes learn to perfect this performance art much like politicians do. Not saying you can’t believe that TB is sincere etc. I just hold back a little on any conclusions drawn especially when its a clip from a feature film.

      My bigger problem is this: You got drafted into the NFL. Full stop. It wasn’t where you thought you should go in terms of the round. That is not unprecedented as personnel depts. make mistakes all the time with players. You end up starting on a good NE team. You win . A lot. You’re a HOF’er. And you’re STILL pissed that you got taken so late? THIS is not maturity. IT’s a petulant attitude from a guy who has it all at an early age. I’m not a Brady hater and I also think SpyGate is an overblown thing that had very little to do with the Pats success. But I actually find it disturbing that, ON CAMERA (I wouldn’t care if he did it in the privacy of his own home or with his parents etc) you are displaying a deep hurt over something that should have been put to bed years ago. Not a healthy personality on display here, IMO.

      Again, just my opinion..I can understand why Ryan feels completely differently about it and I accept that.

      • go pats

        Looks like you missed the point. The emotions he displayed were not in relation to being drafted at 199. He got emotional thinking about how he was able to lean on his parents at toughest of times and how they were able to pick him up.

        • Anonymous

          What were those “toughest of times” if not being drafter later than hoped? By comparison, a year after Brady got drafted I was applying to universities. I had my heart set on MIT, but didn’t get in, and I had to settle for UT. It was hard to take, but my parents were there for me. Things have worked out well since then. The same goes for Brady. From the distance of time I’m glad I had support, but I don’t look back and bawl over the rejection; I look back and think “that kid needs to learn to handle disappointment.” Given that “things have worked out” for Brady, I would have hoped he’d have learned the lesson too.

          • steve

            I will take the emotional, hard worker…..over a rapist. Good luck guys until the next “bathroom bad decision”. Hope it’s not your sister.

          • Anonymous

            Who wouldn’t prefer an emotional hard worker to a rapist? That’s a wonderful false dilemma you’ve built up. Let me try the mad libs too.

            I will take the [honorable pragmatist]….over a [mass murderer]. [Cromulent] luck [folks] until the next “[special session of parliament]“. Hope it’s not your [hippie commune].

          • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_UR6KXGPFIFYZSVJNCXCJNHDQJQ Bob Costas

            Don’t feed the trolls.

  • http://www.steelerslounge.com/ ryan

    ELSM,

    Good point about Brady knocking up Moynahan and the Pats cheating. Somehow neither crossed my mind as I was writing this.

  • Wdmchan

    GAH, I agree. I watched it and it made me hate him less. Stupid Brady, now I respect you because I know you have a heart and good parents.

    I still hope the Steelers clobber you twice next year. Yes, I know what that would entail.

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