John Steigerwald Hastens the Return of Captain Pantload Watch!

This is like shooting fish in a barrel, I know, but sometimes you can’t just sit idly by while stupidity runs rampant. The internet has numbed us to a lot of the idiocy, and in general, my first reaction is to ignore it before giving the topic more attention than it deserves. This is what comes from working alongside the likes of Jay Mariotti, Terence Moore and David Whitley.

Which brings me to John Steigerwald, who banged on his keyboard and came up with this: a column calling out the Giants fan beaten into a coma outside Dodgers Stadium for having the temerity to wear his Giants jersey to the game.

Gramatical errors in the headline aside, Steigerwald was very serious.

“Maybe someone can ask Snow, if he ever comes out of his coma, why he thought it was a good idea to wear Giants’ gear to a Dodgers’ home opener when there was a history of out-of-control drunkenness and arrests at that event going back several years.”

Steigerwald actually wrote that. (He also spelled the guy’s name wrong … and got his hometown wrong. It’s Brian Stow from Santa Cruz, not Brian Snow from Sacramento. But, hey, those are just facts!)

1.04 sounds ridiculously high. Guessing Steigerwald has been hitting the '5' button all afternoon.

I don’t want to bust out the soap box and preach to the choir about how this is a perfect example of why newspapers are failing, or how crusty old sports folks are deaf and dumb when it comes to the internet and social media, but god almighty, man.

(I mean, just look at the ass-beating Steigerwald is taking on Twitter. In a shocking turn of events, Steigerwald doesn’t appear to have a Twitter account.)

Yes, behold the dull-wittedness that is Steigerwald. Surely, this can’t come as a surprise to those who are vaguely familiar with his work. Silver lining: I’m using it an excuse to bring back Captain Pantload Watch, my half-assed attempt to keep an eye on the sports-media ridiculousness back when I wrote regularly at Heels, Sox & Steelers.

So congrats, John, you’re the first recipient of the award in more than four years. And I have to say, it couldn’t have gone to a more deserving prick. Well done, sir!

Related: as Gretz pointed out to me earlier, I wonder if Steigerwald thinks Tomlin should grow up. Or maybe the Steelers players who honored Dick LeBeau prior to his Hall of Fame induction. Of course he doesn’t. Dumbass.

To be fair, Steigerwald hasn’t always been a douchebag. In 1981, he was calling himself the “Ultimate Sports Guy”! Okay, he’s always been a douchebag.

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  • ROb D

    I guess the girl was raped because of what she was wearing. She deserved it.

    Right, John?

  • Gretz

    If I have a hammer, and I use that hammer to hit somebody, the problem isn’t the hammer.

  • EasyLikeSundayMorning

    If Steigerwald gets beaten into a coma, he deserves it for wearing a Steigerwald costume everyday. He should have outgrown that thing decades ago.

    • ryan

      + billion

  • Ron Burgandy

    I want my ‘stache back, Steigerwald!

  • ryan

    Aaaaannnnnndddd we have our first ever CPW Tweet, courtesy of Eddie Bouchette! Generally, I like Ed but I have no idea what he was smoking here. I mean, really?

    • t1mmy10

      i think ed’s overrated. he some good info & he’s not an idiot, but he’s beyond conservative when making projections (and has 100x’s the info any of the rest of us have), talks down to fans, and charges fans extra for the good info while only reporting the fluff for a normal pg subscription.

      plus the guy once copy and pasted from a subsidiary of webmd to give a projection about when sweed could come back from his achilles tendon injury. he ended up being off by months.

  • SteelerBill

    Dear God….I was commenting via Twitter on the ‘link’ Steigerwald posted to the Ann Coulter column. I didn’t read this….Oh wow….

    • ryan

      Haha. I saw your “I didn’t mind the article” tweet last night and I was about to unfollow you. It’s your lucky day — I’m not canceling your SL subscription!

  • Bobby B

    Cant wait to hear what he says on his radio show today at noon about this

  • Randy Steele

    If you really want to resurrect Capt. Pantload, target the nitwits on sports talk radio.

    And, yes, Steigerwald is a world-class dope. It’s one of those tragic topics you should have enough sense to leave well enough alone.

    But answer this question: Would you wear your Steelers’ gear to a Ravens’ game in Baltimore? Sure, you have the right to wear it, but you’d better hope you don’t come home with anything worse than a beer bath.

    Which reminds me of that old joke about the guy standing at heaven’s gate before St. Peter, explaining how he got there: “I had the right of way, but the other guy had a truck.”

    • Bob Costas

      Ummm…. I’ve worn Steelers gear to games in Baltimore, Tennessee, Philadelphia, New York, and Cincinnati. I’ve also worn Penguins stuff to multiple Flyers games. Nobody has ever done anything to me besides embarrass themselves with lame insults.

      • Gretz

        I’ve argued many times that most of the fan-on-fan violence I see at Steelers games involves Steelers fans fighting other Steelers fans.

        • Anonymous

          I’m sure it is assuming the Steelers games you attend are in Pittsburgh. What’s the fan ratio do you think? 100 to 1? Pick two random people from the crowd and you have a 98% chance it’s two Steelers fans. The odds of a fight between a given pair would have to be extremely elevated by the rooting interest factor to overcome that. And think about how ridiculous a concept it is to get into a physical fight with someone because you have different preferences with respect to the same form of entertainment. You see fights at games because in a group of 100,000 people there’re going to be morons, drunks, predators, and people just plain looking for a fight.

    • t1mmy10

      i’ve worn pens stuff to flyers games. just ppl are known for doing inappropriate things doesnt justify it or mean the person was “asking for it.”

  • Anonymous

    “So congrats, John, you’re the first recipient of the award in more than four years.”

    Four years??!! How time does fly.